I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
