Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
