States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
