I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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