i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
