im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
