I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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