literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
