Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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