Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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