This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
