i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
