they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
