So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
