Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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