We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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