I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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