this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
