The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Less talking, more tequila
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
