Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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