Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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