She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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