so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
