Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
