You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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