Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
