did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
