I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
