fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
