He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
