That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
