Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
