My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
