If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
