there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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