Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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