you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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