She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
