so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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