Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
