I think i sorta joined a cult last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
