I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
