I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
