Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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