we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize