now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
