4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
