Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
