Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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