hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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