You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
