hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
