i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
