My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
