I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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