yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
