Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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