what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
