At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
