i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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