I CAN MOONWALK!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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