Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
