I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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