I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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