your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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