So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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