The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
