Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Are we still banned from the library?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
