Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
