Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
