I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
