I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
