There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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