I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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