you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
